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—Maureen Nolan

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—Eric Reinhardt

Holiday Parties - Outclass the Competition
—Miesje Havens

Miesje Manners —Erica Sanderson

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Have you ever felt awkward or uncomfortable at a dinner party or business function? With the multitude of formal rules and behavioral expectations, often not taught to us, it’s no wonder the world of etiquette seems foreign. That’s where Miesje (pronounced me-shaw) Havens steps in. As the founder and director of the Refined School of Protocol, Havens provides lessons in manners for both professionals and youths. A graduate of Le Moyne College, Havens is also certified by the Protocol School of Washington, and is a 2005 alum of Leadership Greater Syracuse.

Not to the manner born: Miesje Havens teaches proper table etiquette to a group of youngsters.

After 20 years in the banking industry, Havens noticed how professional etiquette skills diminished each year and decided to set up a business to combat the pattern. Protocol and etiquette are about “presenting yourself with confidence, being comfortable and being taken seriously,” Havens explained. “Etiquette will set you apart.” Having the right attitude and confidence makes you stand out and could help you secure a new job or opportunity.

At the Refined School of Protocol, based in Jamesville, Havens offers classes at the clients’ choice of location in dining etiquette, business etiquette and appropriate business apparel to individuals or groups. The first class is available to all ages, starting at the first grade, whereas the last two are more geared toward professional adults. The dining etiquette lessons include ways of eating and proper seating. The business etiquette classes teach, among other skills, proper handshakes, successful eye contact, networking, formal introductions and how to make an entrance. The business apparel session involves proper dress attire.

Age-appropriate etiquette classes for grade school children teach manners as well as life skills, such as interviewing, which will aid their transition into the real world. Session topics may be flexible as Havens is willing to work with her clients in order to tackle areas of etiquette and protocol the student wishes to focus on. Classes take place at facilities that work for the client, such as clubs, associations or summer camps. Sessions last up to two hours and are offered mornings, afternoons, evenings and weekends. Prices range from $15 to $65 depending on the age of the student, length of the session, and what the session entails. Non-profit pricing is also available. For children, there must be six to eight in a class, with no more than 12.

But do first-graders really need etiquette lessons? “Whether we like it or not, people judge our children by the way they act,” Havens said. In addition, it is easier to teach good habits while kids are, well, kids. “It’s much easier to teach good manners while our children are young than it is to break bad habits when they are older.”

The biggest manners mistake Havens witnesses is “{lack of} eye contact, hand shaking and standing up straight.” Havens has also noticed a dearth of dining skills, mainly due to the abundance of finger foods such as pizza and fast food. “People are always eating on the run,” Havens noted, so there is a lack of opportunity to sit down and develop proper table manners.

That is exactly why Shelly Leclair enrolled her 9-year-old son Andrew into a dining etiquette session. She has always talked to her son about manners but kids, “take it better coming from someone else besides their parents,” Leclair noted. Andrew’s session took place at a restaurant, yielding great results. “He’s more aware of what’s going on at a table, what he’s supposed to do, how to cut, and where everything is on the table,” Leclair said. The class was so successful that Leclair would like Andrew to continue learning other aspects of good etiquette.

Before you start imagining a 9-year-old under strict dining rules and cutting filet mignon, Leclair assured that Havens made the dinner “kid-friendly.” Andrew himself “had so much fun, he loved it.”

Havens enjoys success because she has the personality to match her young clients. “She is outgoing, upbeat and a great speaker; she definitely knows what she is doing,” Leclair said. “I was really impressed.”

Investing in one’s future is crucial to success and etiquette and protocol sessions may be just the ticket needed to step up to that next level. These classes provide an opportunity to improve not only professionally, but personally as well. For more information, visit the Refined School of Protocol and Etiquette’s Web site, www.refinedprotocol